Michelle's Thoughtful Notes

I'm so mad and angry right now, but I suppose that's the same time...disappointing once again and upset...Enough, that I'm crying about it. Was...I'm sniffing now because my dad called me out, but I held it in.

They told me they would come. "Are you guys coming?" "No." "..." "After we pick up your brother we'll drop by and watch." "=]"

7:20pm through the whole concert...

They never came...

I kept thinking to myself in my seat while the string orchestra played to suck it up and they might come. I see my cousin Tony's parents come and get into the audience. And I look once every while at the bleacher of parents, friends, and supporters, looking desperately for some parental support of my own...Ouch...

They haven't gone to any of my marching shows...they didn't go to this concert...We have the Monster Concert next...the last one...It won't be the same playing Fusion if it isn't a marching show. Plus, we're only playing part of the Opener...But still..."We're too busy." Yeah right... "If the tickets are free. Why don't they give out free tickets?" Well then I guess the whole stadium of people should get free watch on all the marching bands then (half actually).

Scholarships were announced and I was happy for my friends and the others. Obviously when I mentioned that Tony had a scholarship, he goes of how his sister got the full ride without band and how she joined different clubs here and how she didn't stick to one thing to make her resume "colorful." And how it doesn't make sense to do one thing and major in another. (i.e. Band to Art or Medical Major...something like that)...I was too angry and annoyed to listen...actually I did...but more like too angry or annoyed to take it all in as good advice.

After I got home, I went straight to my room. "Do you want food, Michelle?" "No..." I talk to my friend Tanh who IMed me right away when I logged on and to my cousin Tony to congradulate him. I talked to both about the sit. More to Tanh, but I just wanted to vent it out a bit...and a bit more later as I sat in front of the computer crying to myself. Luckily, I had a door that had a lock...

Honestly...I don't care if my friends are there to support me. That would be great...It's fun to spend time with them and such. Feel the victory of a 1st place for a marching show or just performing at a concert... All I really want is some parental support to watch me at those shows/concerts...Because all that seems to partially go to waste...It makes me feel horrible seeing all those kids and their parents there to support and be with them...While mine are out somewhere having another excuse not to come.

They once in awhile come to the Hapkido tests, and always to the piano recitals, awards assembly and any of the likes...But this is something I actually love and gotten attached to and feel special in...like a special group...Not just hundreds of piano students playing...not just my brother testing too along with piano (and a couple of other family members; besides Tony being in band with me). I never had felt so great in my life in a marching show. So happy to be in victory or loss with such a big group of funloving people. Not just a school of kids.

They tell me...my dad tells me "We'll come after we pick up your brother from piano." That's a bit before I start performing...It makes me pretty optimistic and happy they were coming. What's the excuse this time? "Why didn't you come?" "Grandmas." Probably meant my great grandma, but my grandmas is in Iowa and Vietnam. Still...we have all the time in the world to visit her, no offense... As tough as I wanted to be...I held the anger and disappointment and tears to myself until I was alone...

I want to say I hate them...mainly my dad...My mom wanted to come...I don't care what my brother has to say. But I can't. All I can think is... how typical it is for, especially him, to not show up or try...again...