"Recently, a few days ago, a girl at my Hapkido class, told me: "You know, I see you smile a lot. Is that like a natural smile or do you just...do it?" After I thought about it, I guess it was natural, and while answering, I was trying to restrain myself from smiling so, but I couldn't help it. I never noticed how I smiled so much and how someone else noticed it...I'm pretty sure other people noticed it too in other places...but I never really thought about it...still there was something else inside that contradicted that natural smile..."
- - - - -
I feel like I'm getting supposedly carsick once again, like on my Lake Tahoe trip. UP and DOWN and left and right...Turns and bumps...
Well...at the moment, that's how my moods have been a lot lately...but overall, on the inside, I just feel darn depressed, no matter how much I smile and have fun during the day...At the end of the day, I just feel kinda...terrible...
Different traffic signs and turns and bumps after another on the road...And me, being at a very sensitive state in emotions at the moment, I just get kind of...well, obviously, moody.
I can't think right now and I wish I could think of more to write like I usually do, but it's probably the intense homework and studying time I pushed myself to do this year compared to last year to "improve myself academically." It kind of hurts my head though. Academics crashing into my mind filled with mixed emotions...not the greatest thing in the world.
I seemed to enjoy my freshman year so much last year...so far for this...2nd day of school, I've never felt school to be so...depressing before...Maybe it's just me, but it just feels that way and only to me. I mean, getting distracted, I have fun sometimes, but not until lunch. 1st period is pretty entertaining with Mr. Fitspatrick in AP Euro which wakes me up for the day for a lil laugh and smile. Geometry, I feel like a loner. Me, choosing to keep to myself, sitting in the back.
My close friend David asked me to try to befriend his girlfriend who sat next to me, but I've been trying not to talk to her, even though she could be that one person who I could befriend. But...we didn't really have very good experiences with each other in middle school and I told myself I wouldn't talk to her and just focus on the academics and the talking freshman (95% of the class is freshmen ._.). I'll try I guess and say Hi tomorrow.
P.E. It's the almost usual peeps, except for some old friends, which is pretty kewl. Time to distract myself, but I don't feel the best until lunch time when I'm with my close close friends.
Iunno, like the rest of the day is alright...but I guess, the first thing's first...
No matter how much I "naturally smile" and have fun, in the end or in between when it's over or something I don't know...I just...don't feel all that great...
When I'm depressed, I cry easily, worry, frustrate, get angry, etc. etc. Unless, I distract myself...
My first goal of the year: Try not to be depressed.
Yeah...that's all I need for now...Oh...and another.
Don't be late to 0 period...no matter how long my mom takes to get ready to leave the house to drive me and how slow she drives on the street whenever and ONLY when she drives me to school ._.
2 comments:
I hope you'll grow to enjoy your sophomore year. Of course, I haven't finished senior year, but looking back, I think sophomore year was one of the most interesting.
And ahaha. I understand about the O period thing. Maybe by October, Poff will chill out a bit.
I know exactly how you feel! School can take such a mammoth toll on your mind. I mean, you've probably seen me around in BB and usually I'm so outgoing and vibrant, but this year I'm stuck in a shell!! I HATE it! In my third period, I'm the biggest loner, even the teacher pities me. But, you seem (using the word seem because I haven't officially met you) like such a great optimistic person that can get through pretty much anything. =]]]]
Post a Comment