Not Asian Enough

"Forgive me for my cruddy writing. I just bs-ed it because I'm doing homework."

- - - - -

Stereotype. It's peer pressure.

"Your parents don't look Asian."

I remember hearing one of my friends saying that when I was younger when I showed them a photo of my parents. What made them not look Asian?

Their eyes look big.

I look at some of my other Asian friends, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc, and some of the Asian celebrities online. Vietnamese people usually don't have as slanted eyes as other south-eastern Asians, but there are still those who do. And when I look at Asians with pretty narrow eyes, I envy them and wish I had eyes like those too.

I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom tonight and I thought to myself how I didn't really look so pretty compared to other Asian girls. I have the side bangs...And I try putting on lip gloss. I look at my eyebrows and try making them more narrow and pretty. If only I had some eye liner and some foundation or something.

I look at myself in the mirror again. Ugly. My eyebrows are still ugly and bushy. And my forehead is humongous... even worse of it all...my eyes are too big...

I went back to my room and put lotion all over my face in place of foundation, hoping my skin would look more smooth and such. Then I grabbed the roll of scotch tape and took pieces of tape to pull back my eyes to make it more narrow, curved, and pretty. And I push down the tape on my face to make the tape as transparent as possible. I look at myself in the mirror again and I think.

I must be so desperate, but I wish I had prettier eyes like these...or better, without the tape.

I try to think of my good points that "make me Asian."

At least I try to speak my own language, and I can read/write in Vietnamese, though I still have a long way to go to be fluent in Vietnamese.

I feel like crying on the inside though, because I'm not a skinny Asian enough to fit an Ao dai during Tet. And I'm not so pretty like my other cousins with my pretty long flowing hair, etc.

I don't even have a Vietnamese accent...

Stereotype kills self-esteem.

I don't feel Asian enough.