There are always cases of situations that are “easier said than done”. As a high school student, it is my most commonly met situation. Someone always seems to have a vision or dream: “I want to…”, “This would be cool if…”, “I will…” Many promises and reassurances are made, and often times broken, that a natural reaction toward these redundancies is, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” On the other hand, high school definitely produces a great deal of competition to pursue one’s future career.
Rarely will you ever see me sitting to take a break and “just relax” for more than a minute. Perhaps I would spend some free-time with my friends here and there, but, in my work environment, “nothing to do” was not in my vocabulary. I was almost always up and about asking my peers about what they filmed, assigning them a project, confirming information, checking out cameras, organizing special events, or, for a majority of the time, gluing my butt to a comfortable chair in front of an LCD screen, editing a video segment or the front page design of the school newspaper. When I have a prophetic moment in my mind, I fully project it onto a paper or screen for all to see. I could stay stationary hour after hour, despite my lower body feeling numb and stiff, to make sure every little aesthetic detail was precise and perfect. Although there are times when my own battery does die, I am not ready to give any breathing room for doubt. I want to serve as a role model—editor-in-chief, executive producer, and/or club president—like my respected seniors before me. To one day have someone respond back to me, “I’ll believe it when I see it,” would be a sin. A fire grew in my eyes and a crescent moon in my smile as I urge myself to succeed and pull people into my shoes and behind my glasses.
Film production has become a “projector of my life”, incorporating all the aspects of art, visual or performing, that I enjoyed. Surprisingly, I never heard one whisper of objection from my parents. I remember from elementary school, I told myself “when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.” Yet by my sophomore year of high school, I was exposed to a number of activities—marching band, martial arts, journalism, graphics design, film, theatre, visual arts, and more—that cleared my mind to want a great deal more. “I want to be the first female Vietnamese American to be awarded an Oscar for Best Director.” My parents and I knew that I was bound down by an equivocated, yet potential, path for a life better than the daily economic struggle we dwell in today. They pushed me along to keep up with my grades and to stay on top of deadlines. As the years passed by, they gradually expressed an increase support and appreciation for my creative talent. I am truly grateful to feel an aura of warmth around me and to have my parents behind me. Else, it would have been an impossibility for me to be standing here today.
But obviously I don’t have a clean and perfect slate. There was a period of time when my superego ambition overpowered me to strive to be “king of the hill”—all for the titles, less on the substance. Doing anything to embellish one’s college application was brainwashed into many students through the intense high school competition. Unfortunately, I became one of the many who became sucked into the peer pressure. Editor-in-chief, executive producer, president. Those three words ran through my mind continuously. It wasn’t until my film and journalism advisor, Mr. Ziebarth, reminded me of the journey yet again—“I don’t care what you want to be called, as long as what you do applies to your title.” It was the most common sense one could agree to. Yet it hit me on the back of my head, as if an inspirational quote, and got me keeping on my feet. I was now able to take a step back and view the bigger picture.
With all the years of experience and knowledge I have, I not only want to learn and apply it to life around me, but to teach and to help improve others as well. I want others to be able to stand up for them and climb up their own mountain to success as well. And it makes me have an uplifting feeling on the inside whenever I do teach people and they understand. With that I have confirmed with myself that one day, I want to become a significant leader of the world, promoting Asian cultural awareness in the United States mainstream, feminism, and visual and performing arts, and entertaining the world as the first Vietnamese-American, or female Vietnamese-American to be awarded an Oscar for “Best Director”. And I want to be judged by my book as a whole.
No comments:
Post a Comment