Raining Joy

I've heard of people being so happy, they cried with joy, but I never really experienced it myself...It was weird...I was close to crying...but I wasn't depressed, I was so filled up with happiness, so excited...even more since...I don't know...I was just SO happy for them...I felt tears in my eyes.

I rode to Chino Hills to Ayala High School on Saturday with my cousin Tony (graduated last year and was in the FVRR marching band), and my friends Tom, Kevin, Denise, and their mom. The band was having their first WBA competition of the season and, although I've been to their rehearsals on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I couldn't wait to see their show in the competition up in the bleachers. Right when we arrived at the school, we went to find the band and there practice spot and I was dashing off to greet the bandos good luck and see my friends.

We later left the band to warm up to get our seats in the bleachers with the other bando parents fron Fountain Valley. We came early enough to watch at least all of the 5A performances (at least Tony really wanted to). I was only going to wait until after the FVRR performance, then go hang out with them.

The band was on deck to perform after Arcadia high school. When Arcadia came on, I was thinking, oh my gosh, this is almost like last year's championships and finals with James Logan High school, but they were smaller. They still took up almost all of the football field though and had very small intervals (they even had trombones, how difficult to march with such small intervals). Because of such a large number of student marchers on the field, I guess that's the reason why they had their director be their only drum major, compared to the other bands and their student drum majors. James Logan High School although had student drum majors and was so big, they had a freshman band AND a regular band. And they STILL took up most of the football field! Crazy!

I was shaking and pulling on Denise's arm as I pointed at our band. "Our band's coming up next!!! I can't wait!" I was so impatient and anxious I was shaking all over, especially at my legs. Tom, Tony, and I bought an airgram for our friend Zongwei when they walk out on the field. We were always in band and never bought an airgram before, so we were confused how to do it. We decided to send him and inside band joke from last year's Fusion show, where Tony and his friend James made up lyrics with part of the 3rd movement of Fusion, which created Zongwei's new theme song. The message said: "To Zongwei. From Tom, Tony, and Michelle. Zongwei, he is the section leader. He will bite your head off. Watch out for his [piccalo.]" It was so hilarious and Denise and I screamed our throats out as the band came on. I made sure not to step on the funnel cake I laid down in front of me (I was plannig to save it to give to the bando's to eat afterwards).

(written and unfinished on October 9, 2008)

Hallow's Eve Dress Up Time

For awhile this month, I was thinking what to be this year. I wanted to be creative and something pretty cool, compared to just wearing my martial arts uniform.

OH! I got my brown belt yesterday! I am so happy =] Yay. The next test for my brother and I will be in six months now rather than the usual three since it's takes longer to learn and know all the things for brown/red/black belts for the belt tests. Next test, I hope I can break the real thick one-inch, instead of the half-inch. I asked for one-inch, but couldn't break it (I need to kick harder). Oh, I was doing the flying sidekick. I kept falling and landing on the guys holding the board. Haha >_<

Back to the subject. I knew I was going to be Tohru from Fruits Basket next summer for Anime Expo when I grow out my hair and get my mom to help me make my outfit (AND I CAN HOLD STUFFED ANIMALS; I need to find an orange cat, purple mouse, and a tiger stuffed animal...). But it wouldn't be so fun doing it at school. So then I thought today during dinner, randomly.

I could be a white tiger!! I love tigers =] And dragons. I could get my mom to help me with the outfit.

Make:
-White hat with pointy roundish ears (white on outside/behind; pink or black inside/front?)
----[if my brown hat with ears doesn't match; if that fails, i can always get a headband or something and make ears and stick them in my hair]
-White long gloves with pink paw prints and black stripes
-White tshirt with black stripes
-White pants with black stripes (my mom used to sew custom pjs for me =])
-White tail (how do i do that?)

Have:
-boots (yay i have those!)
-

Need:
-Light blue eye shadow :3
-Black facepaint for stripes and whiskers on face (sharpie=no no)
-pink? (ill just just use my marker maybe =]) for nose

Band this year is marching in their costumes for the home game. I cant wait to watch that. I heard the clarinet section is dressing up as Pacman hahahah

1:10 with Casey Ep1 - The Casey Dance

- - - - -

www.youtube.com/takkamichelledoan

Emily was at my house and we were waiting to leave to go to the school Homecoming football game at OCC, when we were playing with my dog Casey (3 year old female chihuahua/pug).

Haha. It's so funny =]

I was able to edit, render, and upload this video in like...a few minutes, so I need to go afk. I will make a update video on Life's MS later today (doesn't know when this video will finally finish uploading)

Anyhow.
Enjoy!

Music:
Hey Ya-OutKast

Why that little....

INFURIATED!!! AGGRAVATED!!!! AND IF YOU (you know who you are >[ ) ARE READING THIS, I DON'T REALLY CARE. Cause I like expressing myself to the world. Whether the worlds wants to read it or not. MAD, ANGRY, TICKED OFF. I wanna scream and strangle 'em. Yet we all know, I would never actually do it.

"AUGHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I'M SO FREAKING MAD. AND U KNOW WAT??? I'M EXPRESSING AND BROADCASTING IT TO THE WORLD! do i care? NO do i want attention? I'M JUST EXPRESSING MYSELF. and i don't care for what JERKS LIKE U HAVE 2 SAY. immature? yes. do i care?NO" was my Facebook and Yahoo Messenger status.

Some guy I knew and wasn't much close friends with IMs me on Facebook. We have a normal conversation when it later came into academics and he mentioned how "gay" AP Euro was because of their style of teaching, unlike how college would be. And after I mentioned honors, things went way out of hand. He judged how pathetic and immature I was, and the way he gave details, it sounded like he was checking up from time to time on me. (stalker...?) And keeps telling me I just ask for attention. I got....angry though I didn't say anything (obviously to him, he probably would expect me to get angry since he kept judging me with my emotions and status's. Insecure...no new friends. Always band. What accomplishments and benifits will newspaper give or has given me? No new clubs and all that crap...I act young ("Exactly. You act young ALL the time") I DO NOT and yet you say from what I see. I'm way more than what you can see. You just don't want to read the book. Exactly.

I want attention. I demand attention. I show insecurity with my friends. I never ask people out.

So if I want attention, it isn't exactly a bad thing. Everyone needs attention. Otherwise they would be lonely in life. (of course, I could hear a stupid response to counter that). I demand attention? And my status's prove it all. Status, blog, etc. etc. I have free will to express myself however I want and if you think that I'm pathetic for being so immature in such a way with my emotions, go ahead and say all you want. There's more people than just you in this world for me to deal with. Why should you make an impact or matter at all to me? "Listing your friends on your myspace shows u are insecure..." Insecure, my butt. "Are you just using thesauraus for every word you use in Baron Banner? Are you just trying to [sound smart] and call me a loser?" fjdslafjsla;fja

IMMATURE?!?!!? I CAN BE MATURE. I HAVE BEEN MATURE. THIS IS MATURE? NO. DO I CARE NO! IM INFURIATED. I WANT TO STRANGLE "impersonal critics" as you call urself, like you and do I care that I'm broadcasting myself out to the world? Let the whole world know.

I am Michelle Doan. I can express myself however I want, and ALL of it out, whether you like it or not. And if you dont accept it, ignore it and go on with life. I express myself for my own purpose to "let it all out." I am a centerspread layout manager and graphic designer in Baron Banner. Just because I'm in the same clubs, have the same friends, still hang around band, still in Baron Banner, doesn't mean I can improve myself, and make new friends, step it up. You don't believe Baron Banner will be something of this school? Fine, by me. Someday, I'll throw it in your face, whether you'll be like "whatever, I don't care."

I have way more to rant about, but I think I've made my point...

YOU have YOUR opinions; I have mine. Don't try to play hall monitor or patrol officer on me. So don't try to change me. I'm not the one who's trying to grow up too fast. You think I'm pathetic. Do you pity me? You don't know anything and you never will.

"I Can't Remember"

Me and my selfish self wanted to get out on that marching field so bad as I listened to the band play and march. It gave me a quiver down my spine listening and watching it. And yet as the metronome and my peers marched and played, I began to step in time (in place of course) while standing on the mini-bleachers, pretending I was playing along with my imaginary clarinet. That's when things took a turn and my mind gradually began to stop caring about wanting to be in band for once.

She fell.

I didn't see, but all I heard was "IRONS! SOMEONE HIT THE DECK!" and I saw a mellophone player pointing at the pit. I assumed someone was actually hit (seeing how clueless and stupid I was). But I saw a girl laying on the ground.

Usually, I would try to mind my own business. It's not good to snoop into other people's business when something like that happened, but I saw Mr. Wampler, the director take her over (I guess she was awake then) and take her over by the shed to sit on a chair with a water bottle. That's when I tried not to pay attention anymore until...

"Michelle!" Wampler calls me over. He told me to stay with her and to make sure she's okay and that she doesn't fall over or such just in case, and to talk to her. All I thought was, okay sure. Nothing more than that.

I sat near her and didn't say anything for awhile, until I questioned if she was okay. She responded that she was okay and that her head just hurted. Then I ask if she didn't eat that morning or didn't drink any water (it was extremely hot outside). I don't remember what she said, but I think she said she didn't remember.

"I don't even remember coming out here...Why am I wearing pajamas?!" she exclaimed, confused, holding the waterbottle to her head.

"It's a Tuesday, and it's Tired Tuesday, where you wear pajamas. You guys were practicing in the band room, and then after school around 3, you guys brought your pit ensemble equipment out to the field while the rest of the band was practicing."

"Oh my god...I don't remember sh*t..."

I asked her what her name was. "Sally [last name]" What grade she was in. "......junior. I'm a junior." What school is this. "Fountain Valley." What classes do you have. "......oh my god...I don't remember..." By now, she was already in tears as she leaned down, hands gripping her head. She was embarassed for the other band members to see her.

I tried asking her more questions and calming her down: "Just take deep breathes. Slow down. In. Out. In. Out. Take a drink of water." But she kept breathing fast and crying. I tried asking her some more stuff to try to refreshen her memory to help her feel better. "Do you remember how many siblings you have. She knew. Do you have any pets? She knew. Do you remember who you saw or what you did this morning? She was quiet and started to cry. "I don't remember."

She couldn't remember her whole day and from time to time again she would shout out "Why am I wearing pajamas? I don't even remember coming out here." Just writing about it isn't enough to express how I felt. But I knew...I couldn't do anything...

The more she cried, the worse I felt, though I tried to cheer her up or distract her to help her remember.

A school trainer came and check up on her. Later came the paramedics. I left because I had to go...and walking to the front of the school...the only thought that came to my mind was "I couldn't do anything... 'I can't remember anything.' Useless. Useless."

"You did a good job," the trainer said after I tried to tell her how much she managed to remember after the paramedics came. I didn't make much of it...but I can imagine Sally clearly sitting on the chair crying trying to remember, leaning over on the chair, head in hands.

Sally...Sally...I wonder if she'll remember me when she recovers. Though, I don't think I made much of an impact anyways. So I wouldn't really mind if she didn't remember me.

But it keeps coming back into my mind in a daze, but I don't think myself as useless anymore...I just think of myself as the random person who happened to find out she lost part of her memory and was just there to failing to comfort her.

But still...it's all that comes to mind the most at the moment...

Hot Chilli Peppers

"Curiousity killed the cat" and my curiousity seemed to set me on fire running around finding some way to put it out.

For dinner, I usually have one small bowl of rice with some meat or veggies or both and possibly, the side dish soup. Today, I just had the bowl of rice and the fish. And after I decided to have a sweet dessert (I don't know how to describe it...asian food haha). Then I got curious what was in the soup. So I took another bowl out (already put my other bowl in the sink) and took a small scoop of soup. It had celery I guess, steamed and tomatoes. It tasted pretty good and on my last slurp/bite...

My brain immediately told me to spit it out and a sting shot all throughout the inside of my mouth, as if it were on fire...My tongue and my cheeks started hurting and I quickly asked for water. I took about five cups of water, which was no use. My brother kept shouting, "KETCHUP!" to me, but I simply ignored him. I was so desperate, I began to tear off a piece of two off the chicken...still no good.

"WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT SOUP!!!??!" I exclaimed in pain.

My mom was laughing to my dad about how I probably bit into the pepper she put into the soup for flavor. She started taking my soup and seeing what was left of my soup and found a fingernail sized green chili pepper that I bit into. I was going crazy...water...WATER...SOMETHING....AHHHHH SO SPICY!!!!

My dad brought out the mango and started cutting out pieces for me to eat and to relieve the sting in my mouth. It calmed down as I started biting and sucking onto the mango slices... After the first piece, my mouth still stung and I asked for another...a few minutes later, I was calm again and the sting my mouth neutralized...

Remind me again...to never taste anything with any hot chilli peppers and to ask my mom what she puts in the soup or food beforehand... My curiousity to see what that soup tasted like led me to run around the kitchen and dining room like crazy...STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL!

AHHHHHHH! -runs off the building like that one man did in Lord of the Rings- Hahaha.

Baron Banner Goes Cyber

Let's just say, I got really bored... (click on picture for a better view)