Somehow...I end up getting weird feelings where if a friend was hiding something from me or wouldn't tell me something, I'd end up feeling bad or get angry.
But I guess generally, I'm pointing more towards my parents. It's only been two things so far...but what if they've hidden so much more stuff from me all these years that I should have known or wanted to know. It's made me clueless and more untrusting of my parents, though it's only a minor thing for now.
A couple months ago, one of my uncles who was younger than me died. How? Exactly...I don't know. My uncle's name was Alan and he was one year younger than me. When we were little kids, my mom used to drop me off at my great grandmother's all the time where once in awhile he would be at too, since he lived just next door. I never really liked Alan. He was a troublemaker and quite annoying to some point. As such, one afternoon we were eating our rice meal in the kitchen together and I "finished" my dish, though there were some leftover rice bits left.
"Eat the rest of your rice." Alan said.
"I don't need to eat the rest." I repsond.
"GRANDMA! MICHELLE WON'T EAT ALL OF HER RICE!" he shouts.
"I'm eating...I'm eating..." I get annoyed and eat the rest.
Honestly, I only have three memories of Alan. My second memory is when we were at a party for some relative on my mom's side at a clubhouse. My cousins and I were going to play some pool when one of my cousins Bianca chose Alan to be in our triad group. I responded in annoyance, but she simply said, "It's just a game, Michelle." But I guess she got over the annoyance of him. I certainly didn't.
The last memory of him was after I first got Casey my new dog as a puppy from my great aunt who lived with my great grandma. I was at his house next door when his mom got another dog (I don't know where she gets all her dogs). Later, Alan came in, but, my gosh, he looked so different. He had a buzzcut, had transition glasses, and was wearing...the memory was fuzzy, but something that had to do with the school he was attending. He attended military school. He wasn't so loud and annoying, but simply just...there.
Now, months ago from now, my mom recieved a call from whoever and as I was passing by the kitchen where she was, I hear her say, "Oh my god." Huh? Makes me curious.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"One of your uncles just died."
"Who?"
"No one you know."
So I just assume it's just another person from her side of her family that I don't know. I know it's kind of mean to just leave it at just that, but at that time, I didn't really favor my mom's side, because all they did was judge the fact I didn't understand a lot of Vietnamese and was overweight and should lose weight (One of my aunts once called me fat and I am really sensitive to insults most of the time, so I cried to my dad)...I remember another memory, but this is of his mom (His mom once came over to my house and said how Alan spoke better Vietnamese than me to make me feel bad).
Anyways, during winter break, my cousin Bianca's family and my family went to Arizona to spend New Year's at my aunt's and uncle's. On one of the drives when we went to go shopping, Bianca told me how Alan died of overdose of drugs and how our parents went to the funeral without us. Her mom told her after she got the call, but said how my mom hid it from me. And told me about all this stuff.
A few weeks later during dinner time, after break, I break out asking why they didn't tell me Alan died. They said because they didn't want to give me bad news because it's not very good and they didn't want me to go because then I'd cry.........Hide the truth from me when the world ends...and not cry??? Sure, I'd cry, I'd cry all I want, but at least I'd be there to see Alan there for the last time.
He was annoying and all, but I can't believe...he just...died like that...Even worse...that nobody told me, nonetheless, my parents.- - - - -
Last night, my mom just left for awhile to go to Bianca's house without telling my brother or me why. My dad doesn't even say anything about where she said...He's always too busy doing his stuff on his computer anyway (it's like his work and him working for our need is more important than us at all...but whatever...). Then my mom comes home after FOREVER! And she doesn't say where she went and acts normal. And as for me...again...I'm clueless and everything's normal.
The next morning, as my mom was driving me to school to go to 0 period, my mom says, "Too bad...Grandpa's bad in Viet Nam." ...This is my reaction. "HE'S IN VIETNAM!??!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!" He's been here for months already, longer than my grandma stays, it's like... HE LEFT ALREADY? And again...no one told me. I didn't even get to say goodbye...And once again get to see his face before he left. He just...left...No notification...at least... to me...
I don't know...I feel like I'm loosing some trust for my parents now...and even so that some things seem to flash before me in a different way...like a different point of view of Alan...well...not really, but I guess just like something feels different in a way...now that he's gone. And my grandpa will be temporarily, but I just hate the communication between my parents and I sometimes, especially when they hide something from me...
.JPG)