Missing: My Identity

Is it possible that one day the wind comes blowing by, snatching away your identity and you end up beingstuck feeling like crap because you dont feel like you're who you think you were anymore...?

I keep asking myself that and that's just how it's felt like since even a little bit before school started. I feel like (again, I must say, but this is the best way for me to describe it) something had died inside me...my happiness? my hope? my sense of...being? I don't know what...but I know deep down inside, I can feel it rotting and it hurts a lot.

I want to say I hate my life, but it's not possible to say so. I have many great friends and I achieved so much that benifited me...it's all there standing before me...the only thing missing is that person who it all belongs to...me? Of course me...but why do I feel like I am doing all these great stuff and living this life...yet...I feel a "dead" inanimous object, like a toy I suppose, that's walking among the living. Weird...

Emotionally unstable

That's how I've been lately...even when I'm at my happiest...just on the inside, deep down...there's a pain which I squeeze at my stomach that brings a sting throughout my body...

A trigger is all I need or a distraction...and I'm out of it into my own little world where anything can happen. Someone shouting, especially towards me, profanity (especially the "F" word or anything towards me, again), someone annoying me or getting me angry...or just...something that makes me depressed...And when it comes to me...I get very depressed or angry easily, even though it doesn't look like it.

I just haven't feel like myself...though I'm not sure what being myself is anymore...

I'm getting mad at myself for being depressed which makes me feel worse because I'm getting more stressed and I can't even help it...and I absolutely sometimes feel myself to be a burden...again I mention it...yes, burden...but I'm not...I know I'm not...maybe I am to others...but you know never...I feel like I am, no matter how many times I hear people tell me I'm not...

I don't know what much to write about...I'm just depressed in general...I feel like my hope is somewhat diminishing...in some part of my mind...Or maybe it's just who I thought and wanted to be and was for awhile...maybe that was diminishing...

I think myself to ask for so much attention sometimes that I feel ashamed of myself...I feel bad for changing myself for others before and now becoming who I am now to be so worried for attention...Do I really want attention? People need attention, I supposed. Otherwise, everyone in this world would be lonely...but I don't know...besides all that...I don't know what to think...All I can say is that...I'm depressed...and something's dying withing me...Whether I'm happy or not, eventually it'll all come back to remind me, the depressions still there...