Tornados and Volcanos

“I don’t know why I write the most when I’m just not happy…but it just helps letting it out I suppose.”

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In my mind, I just feel like throwing my belongings in my room all over the place, as a tornado would, kick my furniture, like lightning, and scream like there was no one around that I cared to hear the deathly screech, like thunder. I feel like an active volcano, building up its magma, almost ready to erupt and explode my lava all over the place. Beware, citizens. Mount Michelle is very unstable with her emotions right now…

It’s been the way almost in my house with my dad with the rules of getting in trouble. And I even remember when my cousin interviewed him years ago for her school project. One of her questions was about his discipline towards us. No matter who caused the problem…the other sibling got in trouble to for not doing anything about it before it happened. And as years pass, my sensitivity to my emotions began to increase, every time I got in trouble with my dad and, even worse, as I started getting really into the whole “crush” thing in 8th grade and on, but that’s a different story.

On Sunday, my cousins, Emerald (who is a year younger than my brother in 7th grade) and Bianca (who is a year older than me), came over for dinner with my grandparents. Emerald wanted to play on my electronic keyboard and turned it on and started to play some tunes. Then my dim-witted brother (he’s been such a jerk lately, especially the more he’s gone to middle school ._.), Alex, comes in and starts turning off the keyboard. Emerald turns it back on. He turns it back off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Emerald was trying to play some notes and press some buttons on the piano. Alex, stupidly, was turning it back off. What am I doing? I’m sitting at the computer, talking on the phone. Emerald and Alex argue so much when they see each other, I’m quite used to it by now…though, that’s where the bad part happened when I let my guard down.

“ALEX! You broke the piano!”

Me: “WHAT!??!??”

All the keys and buttons on the electronic piano were messed up. I couldn’t change tones, record tunes anymore to play duets with myself or anything…Everything was messed up ._. And some notes played louder than others or had a different tone. Alex keeps going, “I didn’t do it!” And I get angry at both Emerald and Alex, especially Alex, for breaking the piano and that Alex shouldn’t have turned off the piano while Emerald was playing. Here’s where the extremely overboard part came up that came along with the “Hi! I’m a jerk!” package after Alex came to middle school.

Alex started putting his hands around my throats and attempts to choke me. “I DIDN’T DO IT!” he shouts, in a ticked off tone. And leaves the room.

Sheesh…I mean….SERIOUSLY…I stopped being violent to him (excluding martial arts class), and I tried making it habit to rather attack him in love or something and the only time I actually argue with him is when it’s somewhat like a debate. But sometimes he just asks too many questions; so my dad and I stop answering him. But, besides that point, sometimes I wish I could strangle him sometimes too or such, but I never would actually do it.

Later on, my cousins like to tease him about an imaginary person named “Samantha” whom he supposedly has a crush on. So Emerald goes to Alex’s room to look at his elementary class pictures to see if there actually ever was a “Samantha” in any of his classes. Alex gets ticked off, throws her on the bed, and starts choking her. And Emerald comes back to my room, crying.

I get ticked off and complain to my parents. Dad calls him out for a talk. Alex comes back like his annoying self again like he always does, and opens and closes my room’s door repeating: “I didn’t do it,” as a little kid would do. I later on just lock my door and just hang around my room with Emerald. Though…I was somewhat disappointed and sad for my loss of not being able to have fun on my piano anymore =[ (at least, I still have the real one outside, but still…).

Today, I tell my dad how Alex and Emerald were fighting and broke my piano. What are the consequences? “Alex, you’re grounded. Michelle, you too.”

ME!???!?!?! WHAT THE HECK!?!? WHY ME?!!?!? (Of course, since I have to be respectful to my elders and “oriental” as my dad says, I just went, “Wait, why me?”)

“It’s your belonging; you’re responsible for it. You should have stopped them before it happened.”

Reasonable…but, even so, I was still extremely ticked off at Alex and the fact I got in trouble to it as well…It’s like whatever my brother does to get in trouble, I somehow almost always get in trouble with him when I’m with him. And this is the part sometimes where I wish I could strangle my brother.

So…Instead of being a tornado, throwing my belongings around, screaming my throat out in my room, and kicking furniture or such…I’m throwing my homework aside to write this whole rant before I actually start breaking out of the shell all crazy. (Though, academically, that might not be the best idea…)

So lately, I’ve just been a sensitive volcano ready to erupt and explode, whether I’m angrily, depressed, or a nervous wreck. (I’ve been having “crush” problems again. I’ll write about that in a separate blog). So wish the citizens of the town nearby and hope I don’t come pouring my lava on them ._.